meldunk23

I want to write something, but I can think of nothing, so I'm going to do what I sometimes do when I'm bored and particularly uninspired.  Just write nonsense.  5 minutes worth of nonsense, or is it???

A man gets in his 1970 dodge challenger.  It is Saturday, he is going for the usual joy ride.  His name is Carl Fairbanks.  He gets in the car and turns on the car when suddenly, a T-rex storms the car.  He guns it, but it's too late the nazi jumps down from the T-rexes shoulders and shoots out all 4 tires with a magic bullet.  The T-rex rips the roof off the car with it's massive metal teeth, but at exactly that moment Carl jumps out of the car and decapitates the nazi with his vintage car keys.  But it isn't blood spewing from the Nazi, beneath his exposed flesh lay wires and coils.  He was a machine!

"Thank you," Fornka, the T-rex, tells Carl.  "I've been a slave to the robot Nazis for nearly 5 millenia, and you have set me free.  I am once again free to use my magic powers, and am no longer simply a mindless killing machine.  As such, I will grants you three wishes or alternatively answer three questions.  I am all knowing and all powerful Carl, choose wisely."

"Well..." Carl pauses.  "First I want my car repaired."
Done.
"Next, I want to know the meaning of life."

"Well, 50 billion years ago a race of turtles known as the..."

"HOLY FUCK, are you always this boring, just become my mindless killing slave like you did for the nazi and save your breath."
Fornka frowned and let out eh cutest T-rex sigh ever, and then obeyed Carl's wish.

Carl realized that repairing his car was a mistake when he now had a T-rex to take him places.  Immediately he ordered Fornka to take him to the White House.  Fornka, who can also fly, immediately flew him there faster than any airplane, superman, or even light.  Carl actually arrived at the White House 5 minutes before he met Fornka.  That's how FUCKING FAST IT WAS.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!

Carl stormed the oval office, which due to the time and space warping aroudn Fornka was now actually perfectly circular.  President Bush turned to him.  "I've been expecting you Mr. Fairbanks, please have a seat, we have much to discuss."

"Fat chance, KILL HIM FORNKA!"

Just then the President hit a secret button and he and Carl were dropped through trap doors to the headquarters of the supersecret HQ (Headquarters quasar) which basically means it was in OUTER SPACE.  The President took off him man mask to reveal that he was actually a squirell.  You see it was the squirells that controlled the world, they controlled the robot nazis, but what they didn't control was Fornka and his kind.

As the president revealed, Fornka is part of a race of beings known as GOOZERS, they are evil and want to kill stuff, that's why he looks like a T-rex.  His real form is so scary that the president could only show Carl a poorly, out of focus wallet size photo of the Goozer for fear that exposure to its real image might cause Carl to spontaineously explode and thus end the universe.

Carl is the last descendent of Judas.  You see 2,000 years ago, a Goozer named J-rock came to earth and decided to start a revolution against the squirells.  The squirells were powerless to stop him because they didn't exist in that area of the world, but one mortal stood up.  Through his deeds he was rewarded with great power.  Unfortunately, as evidenced by the President and Judas, the squirells are fucking horrible at PR.  But Carl understood, he knew what he had to do.  Immediately Bush called all the Republican Party commando squirells up and told them to meet him at camp david.  It was on.  "The prodigal son is here to end Jesus once and for all."

2,000 years ago Jesus rose from the dead and ascended to heaven.  What most people don't know is that heaven, or He-Aven is actually the Goozer word for His spaceship.  J-rock has been roaming around causing the worlds weirdest catastrophes for the past 2,000 years.  Plague, fireworks factory explosion, a new strain of bacteria that causes erectile dysfunction in squirells.  You name it and J-rock done it.

So they all get to camp david when boom the universe ends for no apparent reason.

THE END.

 I am not very big into creative writing or any writing for that matter. Or, I am not too good at it, so I kind of don't take the time to work on it. A friend told me to try blogging for feedback, and then listed a few sites she knew. I don't really know fanfic or anything like that, and that's the stuff she showed me when she pulled up a livejournal page, but I have been looking around livejournal and seen other things since. I think I will just stick to blogging, and accept what criticism I can get. Any pointers would be much appreciated.